Madness

I am a very competitive person.
I believe in finding every opportunity & grabbing it by the head.
I believe people have to find their own paths & follow it at their own pace, no one is going to hand it over to them.
I believe, non-performers should be given their bit.
I believe non-performers know that are not performing & a bad rating or review, should not take them by surprise. If it does, then something more than what you think is wrong.
I believe hard-work with excellence makes a terrific combination for success & reward.


After having said all that, I also admit that I am getting tired of the the pressure to perform, constantly & every breathing moment of my work life. I have been one of the good performers & I believe my company takes me as one of the many assets it has working for them. But with every passing day, I am getting breathless by the mad frenzy that I am getting into to out-perform. I have always gotten things by working hard for it (just in my office context)& therefore, I know that if I stop competing & out-proving myself, success would be lost on its way to me. I have done this for the past three & a half years that I have worked, & now suddenly I feel what a heavy burden it is do continue to do so on an everyday basis. Frankly, at this point I almost feel like everyone around, including me is scrambling. It would have been easier if people followed the work they have been given but then it would almost feel like working in a govt. organization, with no one taking initiatives, no one to look up to, etc. But seriously, it almost feels like a task now, when I am lil up on the ladder to come up with something more than just my core job, as I have already covered the smaller initiatives, I could have taken in the past three years. Now, its all the more difficult to keep up the pace at which I have performed. To add to all that, I have moved to something totally new & I am still grappling with it. To even be able to think of something to improve or add to seems herculean. I wish, I was capable of taking out a cat or better even a rabbit out of my hat, cause I constantly feel that is what is expected of me. The constant stare, (may be imaginary) is making me loose my calm, & the heat only adds to the feeling.


I am jittery, I am fumbling, I am under pressure, the only thing lacking is I am not being over-worked, as I am in training. End of it all, I think I am getting burnt out & frustrated. It is not even helping taking it slow & one step at a time. I am not cribbing really about the way corporate works, I liked it up-till a point, but now, it is adding to my frustration - the constant pressure to perform. Why can't it sometimes be enough to just do a good job & the day ends happily there????