Sunday, June 28, 2009

I don't know what to say really. I am so so hurt, sad, frustrated, angry...so much that the inside of my heart aches with the heaviness. Just day before, I was crying my heart out to this friend of mine and he kept saying I need to stop caring for people and things who don't see my love for them and today I read what I do. It's not the first time really that it was put so harshly across, I had heard it all before from the Meister, and perhaps from many stares, all those whose minds had been filled with the talk. But yet I believed that it would work out fine...once sometime had passed I would go back to sort things out and it would work. But perhaps for the first time today, it's stark on my face that it would not.

If only hating was as easy for me as loving is, I might too have opted for it and gone ahead with making hate posts and doing the hate talk. I know I am not at all expressive with what I feel but I never felt it was that important, so much so that not expressing it everyday translated to hate or envy. Such a foolish incident where I had let my guards down for a while could change so much, I never ever thought in my dreams.

Nonetheless, I do not blame, and I do so very selfishly. Doing that would only take away someting from the best I have in my heart, the memories, the connection that believed was special inspite of the odds. Infact so much so that I tried for two god damned years to fucking fit in, going totally against what I am to be what it might fucking take, but that didn't help did it? Do I wish to re-concile? I don't know really, if that could happen ever...but I swear on anything that I can that I no longer would make another girl friend, because when that ends it really hurts the worst. I could go on and on, but I would burst out crying if I wrote anything more.

11 comments:

Priyanka said...

I know exactly how you feel. Losing my best friend was like the worst thing that could have ever happened to me. Even now, when I see her sometimes with her 'other' friends, my heart breaks inside. She was my best friend for almost 6 years...then one fine day she suddenly decides that I don't 'fit in' with her other friends (read: people who actually have no life and are content in spending their father's money on parties and booze and what not)...
It just plain sucks!!

wasted said...

I really don't know what to say...here it was a little different, the fall out as per what is told is because of me hating her or something of the sorts. I don't know how or why.

harry seenthing said...

wow is here it was a little different

wasted said...

didn't get you harry...

Anonymous said...

why dont you talk to your friend and find out whats wrong?whats stoping you?

wasted said...

You are right...I wrote to her. But don't have the strength to do same things over and over again. If someone is not convinced with your explanations in the first few times and has the same complains all over again, then there is a problem in the relationship.

Potato said...

" If someone is not convinced with your explanations in the first few times and has the same complains all over again, then there is a problem in the relationship."...please believe me that this is what my relationship with the Special One turned into....and for the last 1 year i had been apologising and apologising ....at a point of time u become just too tired..well i did....and when u stop apologising, it is taken as a sign of guilt etc....u know what our relationship is now.....it hurts like hell but hey some things are not meant to be...accept it and move on

wasted said...

I am moving and I think I am better off without all the un-necessary guilt. By the way, I never apologized because I don't think I did anything wrong. If someone is bent upon taking things the wrong way then its not my problem really.

kang said...

youre always wanted experiences...they sometimes hurt too!...sorry

wasted said...

@kang - I know...and I learnt from it and have moved on.

jessica said...

I do not blame, and I do so very selfishly..
i agree for this..

___________________
Jessica
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