Thursday, March 15, 2012

Fading Desires

I have been wanting & meaning to write for a very long time now. I have thought of witty one liners which had the potential to drag my sleeping brains out of the banality it has been cushioning itself in, pulsating ideas that crossed my thoughts like a flash, about the trivial complains that seemed larger than life to write about, & so much more. But every time I actually thought about writing it all down, the sheer effort of writing & thinking became humongous in front of the easier escapes of doing my daily chores.

I wonder if soon I will never write. The thought scares me, shakes me up & then follows a small, nondescript effort towards writing. Every time I delay a paragraph that was destined to be written, I feel this huge pang of guilt, I feel the faint gaze filled with disappointment & sadness far away from my hometown. The gaze that scares & shames me but that almost at the same time is pleading for me to come out of the trance that I have willingly entered. 

Life off-late has been too full of friends, family, & some more friends. It feels really good to be amidst so many people who you love. But then it sticks to you like a bad habit, a need you can't seem to shake off however hard you try. The isolation & the lonely corners that I had so painstakingly guarded all my adult life seems to be slipping away from me & out of my own accord. Almost like I am doing it willingly, at least when I look at it now in retrospect.  But it has been feeling good, almost happy state of being. But whenever a lonely moment sneaks up on me, I feel this surge of guilt, a guilt I can't seem to explain, a guilt for not being sad, for not writing, for not even trying to write of mundane things. That is the best way in which I can put it. 

I will write the entire day today, meaning the entire day while I am at work. Since, there isn't much left to do for the day here in my office. No pending tasks, my desk/computer/schedule looks almost clear. So, I have decided to write to shake myself off of the stupor I have gone into. I will write anything that comes to my head, complains, lines that appear like poetry in my head, beginning of stories that have always been there in head, confessions, whatever that flashes through my head. I need to get the shit out of the system to come back to feeling sacred about writing. I need to flush the smaller things that obstruct me from writing to be able to write more willingly, fluidly. The last few times I have written in the last one year or so, I have always felt stiff, like I am just doing it for the sake of it, just to keep up formalities with myself. Just so that I can please & not disappoint the inner me who still cherishes my dream of writing.

Blackness of the dark
dizzy, happy eyes.

Denials linger
seems to evade.

never knocks
the sublime.
Dainty figurines
decorate lives.

Glass strewn floor
never pierces the marble cold flesh.

Sun continues
to play shadow
to decorate the empty corners.
Spiders crawl 
under the virgin skin of Artemis. 

Lost anger
appear in flashes
& then the realization, the wait
of the break-down
that melts existence. 

The desire to write the entire day fades after a meeting, lunch break, & a pep talk by the manager :(

var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-40368251-1']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + ''; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })();



Runa...I know what you went through...I usually can't write whenever am too happy. how I want to portray my thoughts..and then when I sit down to jot...boom...its all gone. the daily chores, the random schedules, friends parties and then the very essence of you vanishes.

Runa Tripathy said...

@ To Touch The Horizon - thanks for being so empathetic. I don't know why is it so that while we are happy, it feels like there is nothing substantial to write about...& sadness somehow brings out the best words inside of me. But then again, while I wrote this & even now I am not really sad, I am just tired of being happy should say :)

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog. Will visit yours rightaway :)

Mea Culpa said...

An artiste needs pain to express. So, I scoffed at this one liner in Rockstar, but heaven help me, its what makes me drag myself to my blog and write too.

Mundane is boring, happy is a state of being. Its sadness that really bring out the good words and the better metaphors. Happy, you live. Sad, you write. Or am I trivializing it?

Runa Tripathy said...

@Mea Culpa - no you are not at all's a good observation that we collectively bring forward :)

Siddharth Tripathy said...

Wonder how writing happened once

Pinki Singh said...

nice blog. Your all post is awesome. I reading your post from morning 9 AM and loving your each of post.

Please share more post.

Free PC Support and Website Help

Wine tours in california said...

[...] The Wine Wrangler is a Paso Robles original, now serving the entire Central Coast. The Wine Wrangler will pick you up for a wonderful day touring the most diverse wine regions in California! [...]

Sourav Mukherjee said...

gr8 thought

Thanks for the Information
Regards Education Portal

Dietary supplement in india said...

Interesting and impressive article.

Anonymous said...

Helo ! Forex - Работа на дому чашкой чая насладиться ситуации получить деньги, достаточно зарегистрироваться forex [url=]forex[/url]

rnd technologies said...

Good thought.

coats and jackets said...

Hi...Thanks for sharing this post..Please make new posts interesting.....

Jaipur Golden Triangle said...

vary informative blog,Thanks For Share with us,

Anonymous said...

Hi, the whole thing is going fine here and ofcourse every one is sharing information, that's in fact excellent, keep up writing.

Also visit my weblog:

Anonymous said...

I'm extremely impressed with your writing skills and also with the layout on your blog. Is this a paid theme or did you customize it yourself? Anyway keep up the excellent quality writing, it is rare to see a nice blog like this one these days.

my site; プラダ バッグ

Anonymous said...

Have you ever thought about creating an e-book or guest authoring
on other sites? I have a blog based upon on the same subjects you discuss and
would love to have you share some stories/information. I know my subscribers would
value your work. If you are even remotely interested,
feel free to shoot me an e mail.

my website :: 激安プラダ バッグ

Anonymous said...

I'm gone to tell my little brother, that he should also pay a quick visit this blog on regular basis to obtain updated from most up-to-date news.

my web site: ロレックスレプリカ

Anonymous said...

Very good info. Lucky me I recently found your site by chance
(stumbleupon). I've bookmarked it for later!

my blog post: ロレックスコピー

Anonymous said...

Nice post. I was checking continuously this blog and I am impressed!

Very helpful info specifically the remaining
part :) I maintain such information much. I was looking for this particular info for a very long time.
Thanks and good luck.

My web blog - rapid weight loss

Anonymous said...

Hmm is anyone else encountering problems with the pictures
on this blog loading? I'm trying to figure out if its a problem on my end or if it's the blog.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

my web site - travel

Anonymous said...

Рынок бытовой электроники: "Эльдорадо" и "М.Видео" ведут переговоры об объединении закупок

Борьба таможни с "серым" импортом оказала неожиданное влияние на процесс консолидации розничного рынка бытовой электроники. Две крупнейшие российские сети "Эльдорадо" и "М.Видео" ведут переговоры об объединении закупок. В случае успеха переговоров на рынке бытовой электроники фактически образуется один крупнейший игрок, контролирующий более трети сегмента. В этом случае, опасаются вендоры, сети смогут диктовать производителям практически любые условия.

Факт переговоров "Эльдорадо" и "М.Видео" об объединении подтвердил президент Ассоциации торговых компаний и товаропроизводителей электробытовой и компьютерной техники (РАТЭК) Александр Пляцевой. "Мы позитивно оцениваем это намерение, оно повысит конкурентоспособность обеих компаний",- говорит Пляцевой.

Заместитель генерального директора "Эльдорадо" Евгений Михеев отказался подтверждать эту информацию. Однако пресс-секретарь "М.Видео" Надежда Киселева передала, что сети действительно ведут переговоры о совместных закупках непосредственно у прямых поставщиков. "Это делается с целью предотвращения "серого" импорта",- пояснила она.

Два крупнейших российских "электронных" ритейлера всегда представляли две разные концепции. И главным побудительным мотивом их возможного объединения может быть только общая опасность - "в данном случае проблемы с таможней". Последние десять дней ритейлеры даже не представляют себе, во сколько им может обойтись растаможка товара.

Напомним, на прошлой неделе ФТС обязала иностранных производителей электроники предоставить реальные прайс-листы, по которым техника будет проходить таможенную очистку. Пока производители не определили свою позицию, однако утверждают, что новая система недоработана и до назначенного ФТС срока (1 октября 2005 года) перейти на новую систему им не удастся.

Когда приходит такой " мегаклиент" и начинает командовать на том основании, что делает поставщику большую часть оборота,- это худшее, что может случиться. Например, в " М.Видео" уже со следующего года вступают в силу новые правила работы с поставщиками, по которым сильно увеличится отсрочка платежей. Если они объединят закупки, возможность их давления на поставщиков вплотную приблизится к возможностям западных сетей. В этом случае они смогут диктовать свои условия очень многим.
[url=][color=#E4F4FE]лазерная коррекция зрения[/color][/url]

cricketbash said...

"Wasted". Is that a blog's name? WOW! This girls has something to say, seriously

digital point said...

Hello Friends

Submit your Unique guest blog post free in our blog

We will provide you a do-follow back link to your website


Anonymous said...

Are you need of urgent financial assistance for a personal purpose or for your business needs? Here is some good news for you. We offer loans to individuals or corporate firms at the lowest annual percentage rate.

Contact us today:

amita johnsy said...

Hey, great weblog you have here. And why dont you promote it further using the killer resources on my own blog. See you there. thanks

gurjit kaur said...

These foods will never let you be lethargic even you will feel more active than ever. No one can stick to one particular diet plan and follow it daily. So change the methods of cooking e.g. roasted, boiled and half fried. Keep it in your mind that workouts should always be there whether you are to hit the plan of weight loss or not but it is necessary for your body to be agile.

MS BACKER said...

Oeuvre hardly born as u jot but it's getting loomed in or experiences.

jasmin jew said...

Nice post.. Thanks for sharing..

best Web design company in Lucknow

Arun Sharma said...

Thank you for postng this nice blog and sharing this useful information really Your all post is awesome. I reading your post from morning 9 AM and loving your each of post. please share more post .Exel Alternator .

thank you

Anonymous said...

Rajendra Narwariya said...

Idea Rs 22 plan : offering Get unlimited 3G 4G internet data for 1 hours at Rs. 22 only

The nice post

Phu Dang said...

Nice blog !!!
thanks for sharing
kệ tivi
kệ tivi phòng khách
kệ tivi đẹp

hitaakademi said...

Ankara merkezli sıramatik sistemleri kurulum ve teknik destek hizmetleri
siramatik Türkiye'de hizmet ve faaliyetlerini sürdürmektedir.

hitaakademi said...

Ankara merkezli sıramatik sistemleri kurulum ve teknik destek hizmetleri
siramatik Türkiye'de hizmet ve faaliyetlerini sürdürmektedir.

hitaakademi said...

Ankara merkezli etkili sunum teknikleri
sunan Haluk GÖKŞEN arı kovanı
eğitimi ile sistematik bir yapı sunuyor.

viagrajakarta said...

thank you for sharing
viagra jakarta
viagra asli
jual viagra usa
obat kuat pria
obat kuat jakarta
obat kuat viagra

Manish Packers and Movers Pvt Ltd said...

Manish Packers and Movers Pvt Ltd as a Services providing company can make all the difference to your Home Relocation experience. Indore based Company which offers versatile solutions, Right team that easily reduce the stress associated with a Household Shifting, Vehicle Transportation. we help things run smoothly and reduce breakages and offer you seamless, Affordable, Reliable Shifting Services, Compare Shifting Charges, Visit :
Manish Packers and Movers Ptv Ltd @
Packers and Movers Indore @
Manish Packers Indore @
Packers and Movers Gurgaon @
Packers and Movers Kolkata @
Packers and Movers Mumbai @
Packers and Movers Bhopal @
Packers and Movers Nagpur @
Packers and Movers Raipur @
Packers and Movers Ahmedabad @

Manish Packers and Movers Pvt Ltd said...

Movers and Packers Dewas Naka Indore
Movers and Packers Vijay Nagar Indore
Movers and Packers Scheme 54 Indore
Movers and Packers Delhi
Movers and Packers Pune
Movers and Packers Jodhpur
Movers and Packers Kanpur
Movers and Packers Ghaziabad
Movers and Packers Noida
Movers and Packers Navi Mumbai

Manish Packers and Movers Pvt Ltd said...

Best Movers and Packers in India for Moving and Shifting Door to Door Transportation Services to all over India. Visit More :-
Manish Packers and Movers Pvt Ltd Blog
Movers and Packers Bhopal
Movers and Packers Jabalpur
Movers and Packers Vadodara
Movers and Packers Udaipur
Movers and Packers Jaipur
Movers and Packers Chandigarh
Movers and Packers Chennai
Movers and Packers Hyderabad
Packers and Movers in Indore

Manish Packers and Movers Pvt Ltd said...

Hire Manish Packers and Movers Pvt Ltd in India for hassle-free Household Shifting, Office Relocation, Car Transporation, Loading Unloading, packing Unpacking at affordable Price Quotation. Top Rated Safe and Secure Service Providers who can help you with 24x7 and make sure a Untroubled Relocation Services at Cheapest/Lowest Rate. Visit More :-
Manish Packers and Movers Pvt Ltd
Movers and Packers Bangalore
Movers and Packers Gurgaon
Movers and Packers Indore
Movers and Packers Kolkata
Movers and Packers Mumbai
Movers and Packers Nagpur
Movers and Packers Ahmedabad
Manish Packers in Indore
Manish Packers and Movers Pvt Ltd Sitemap

Pronay Sarkar said...

Nice Blog
Read More Like This Click Here